Cast

Name: Kumiko Kawai Age: 20 ish (She won't reveal her exact age) Faction: Square-Zero.com web team Likes: J-Pop, J-Rock, Anime, Computers, Text adventure games (yes she's a geek), Giving things stupidly long names that have O' in them. Dislikes: Der G00r00, Working with Der G00r00, Microsoft, Being on the same team as Der G00r00, Being in the same room as Der G00r00, Snakes Personal rubbish: Neither Kumiko nor Square Zero are exactly sure how they started working together, especially since she hates Der G00r00, but try as she might she just can't stay away from the website, which is a good thing too since Der G00r00 is completely incompetent.

Name: Der G00r00 Age: 22 Faction: Square-Zero.com web team Likes: Bratwurst, Knockwurst, Kasewurst, Schinkenwurst, generally any type of wurst (I though there was something funny about him, Kumiko), Being an idiot Dislikes: Pain, Work Personal rubbish: A true German metalhead in every sense, D3r G00r00 unfortunately is taken by l33t sp34k to the point that it is all that matters to him. Apart from War Master of course. Quite why he works for Square Zero is a bit of a mystery.

Name: Goatboy Age: 21 Faction: Square Zero Likes: Ass, Tits, Explosions (in any order) Dislikes: Things that don't have Ass, Tits and Explosions Personal rubbish: Goatboy is the foremost expert on ass in Square Zero. In fact Jx and LHK would be lost without Goatboy constantly explaining the nuances of a fine ass. Just so people can't label him one dimensional, he also has an encyclopaedic knowledge of tits, explosions and pornstars.

Name: Jx Age: 24 Faction: Square Zero Likes: Madonna Banana's, Shiny things, Hand grenades, Tumbleweed (for every where that Jx went the tumbleweed was sure to go) Dislikes: Sense, The world, People, Drummer jokes Personal rubbish: A strange one this, Jx is a great communicator, to the other 15 or so people that reside within him, but the outside world just doesn't understand his subtle logic. Hand grenade anybody?

Name: LHK Age: 24 Faction: Square Zero Likes: Manga, Manga girls, Cartoons, Old TV shows Dislikes: Kumi-chan the Manga Girl, Der G00r00, People that don't do what they are supposed to (hint, hint Ffion) Personal rubbish: LHK considers himself to be god of the Square Zero comic strip, mainly because he both writes and draws the little pieces of rubbish that he calls a comic strip. Due to his delusions of grandeur and superiority complex it won't be long before he comes into conflict with an actual deity or even Ms. The Devil.

Name: Kumi-chan the Manga Girl Age: Early teens (no one has ever managed to ask her without getting knocked out.) Faction: None Likes: Cute things, Bunny rabbits, Kittens, Bows, Stars, The moon, Pink Dislikes: Square Zero (especially LHK), Not cute things (once again Square Zero) Personal rubbish: One day a little manga girl appeared and her name was Kumi-chan (not to be confused with Kumiko Kawai, they are not the same person), then all hell broke loose as everyone realised just what a violent little ***** Kumi-chan is.

Name: Ms. The Devil Age: Not really known, but you know she looks really good for an old chick. Faction: Hell Likes: Evil, Evil people, People that perform evil deeds, More evil, The New York Yankees, Sticky buns Dislikes: Everything that is good and cute. Personal rubbish: What can be written about the Devil that hasn't already been written? Nothing really, though strangely she has always tried to avoid Kumiko Kawai. I wonder why?

Name: Ffion the Catgirl Age: She once explained it but it was so boring that everyone fell asleep. So if you really want to know ask her yourself, if you dare. Faction: None Likes: Explaining stuff, Feeling clever. Dislikes: Questions that she doesn't know the answers to. Personal rubbish: Ffion is a smart ass, reputed to have graduated from every university in England, including the prestigious and fabled University of Skegness, Ffion consideres herself the fountain of all knowledge. Really she's just a boring Catgirl, though she has the great ability of sending anyone to sleep. Insomniacs we have found you a cure.

Name: Beaufoy 'Biff' Devon Age: 25 Faction: K-LMN (pronounced K-lemon) radio station Likes: Thinking that he's the best interviewer in the world, Jumbo, super, mega, extra large, uber caffe' latte's Dislikes: His colleagues at K-LMN, Memories of primary school, Amount of male toilets in K-LMN Personal rubbish: Beaufoy Devon currently has the show that everyone doesn't want. He has to play a constant stream of acronym laden beat-down metal all day which is the reason why the past 13 DJ's of the show have all killed themselves. Beaufoy's ultimate desire is to host TRL and become Carson Daly.

Name: Sven War Age: 32 Faction: War Master (and their quest For Victory on the Fourth Crusade for Honour, Valour and Pride through the Realm of Chaos.) Likes: War, Strife, Battle, Weapons of mass destruction, Butterflies (especially those of the chaos persuasion) Dislikes: Annika's ideas, All types of music except 'War' metal Personal rubbish: Sven War is the lead singer of War Master and also Annika's brother. He has led War Master through 5 studio albums and 10 live shows, but now he wants to lead War Master to a new direction, to achieve deeper and more meaningful songs, all about war of course.

Name: Annika Battle Age: 18 Faction: War Master (and their quest For Victory on the Fourth Crusade for Honour, Valour and Pride through the Realm of Chaos.) Likes: Boy bands (especially Westlife), Pop Idol, Pop Stars, Pop Stars the Rivals, Fame academy, Reality TV shows Dislikes: Metal Personal rubbish: Annika Battle, the bassist of War Master, is only in the band because of her brother, Sven War, (obviously War and Battle are not real surnames). The reality of Annika is that she is a bit of a girly girl and a bit of a teeny bopper, but even saying that she always remains true to herself and never denies that she is and always will be a flake.

Name: Mikael Strife Age: 25 Faction: War Master (and their quest For Victory on the Fourth Crusade for Honour, Valour and Pride through the Realm of Chaos.) Likes: Most things to do with war, American football, Moonlight walks in the park Dislikes: Flakes, anything that isn't 'proper' metal. Personal rubbish: Mikael Strife is the lead guitarist of War Master. When he was younger he went to the same primary school as Beaufoy Devon and gave him some amusing nicknames due to Beaufoy's lack of bladder control. Mikael aspires to work with young children.

Name: Kristoffer Skirmish Age: 27 Faction: War Master (and their quest For Victory on the Fourth Crusade for Honour, Valour and Pride through the Realm of Chaos.) Likes: War, A Flock of Seagulls, Limahl, Mullets Dislikes: Trendy people, sensible hair styles, Kerrang Personal rubbish: Kristoffer Skirmish is the other guitarist in War Master. The only reason why he joined the band was because they offered him a free keychain on joining. Kristoffers real ambition is to emulate his hero Limahl and wear that hair style.

Name: Jesper Offensive Age: 22 Faction: War Master (and their quest For Victory on the Fourth Crusade for Honour, Valour and Pride through the Realm of Chaos.) Likes: Hitting things, Hearing about American casualities from friendly fire incidents, Watching the Stealth Fighter get shot down. Dislikes: Americans, Peace treaties, The colour blue Personal rubbish: Jesper Offensive is the fifth and final member of War Master. His prodest moment was claiming a piece of the American Stealth Fighter jet that was shot down.